Chess 2
A downloadable game
When something is as large and popular as Chess 1 was it only makes sense that some fool would come around and make a sequel. I'm that fool. It’s 2019. Welcome to Chess 2.
This game features much needed updates to Chess 1 and provides more actions the player can take, including:
| A NEW QUEEN | A king is allowed to take as many spouses as they please. Choose one of your pieces and designate it as a queen. The church disapproves of polygamy, so you must remove all of your bishops if you control two or more queens. |
| EVANGELIZE | Read some bible verses* out loud in order to evangelize to the board. After you’ve read enough to spread your dogma, you may replace up to 3 non-king pieces on the board with bishops.You do not need to control any or all of these pieces; the Lord moves in mysterious ways. *Please feel free to replace Bible Verses with another written piece that is significant to you, secular or otherwise. It’s up to you what dogma you wish to spread. |
| BATTLEFIELD PROMOTION | One of your pawns can ride a piece next to it like a horsey. You can move both of those pieces together as if they are knights. They cannot move past rooks while moving this way. |
| NUH UH | You can say “nuh uh” to one of your opponent’s moves. The opponent takes that move back and must move another piece. You cannot nuh uh two moves in a row, and you cannot nuh uh a nuh uh. You can only nuh uh a move that could be made in Chess 1. |
You will need a copy of Chess 1 in order to play this game. It can be found at a fine variety of retailers.
This game was inspired by a conversation in My Brother My Brother and Me episode 489.
Purchase
In order to download this game you must purchase it at or above the minimum price of $2 USD. You will get access to the following files:
Comments
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Chess 2 is a joke with an exponential punchline. The first punchline comes in reading the title. The second punchline comes in reading the rules.
The third punchline comes when you and your friends are all gathered together on a discord call for two and a half hours, crowding around a virtual chessboard like a bunch of grade schoolers playing trading cards at recess, goading your friends on the best strategic approach they ought to be taking, and you’ve all been arguing on whether the pawn ought to ride the king like a horsey for so long that you completely forget that you could have just gone ahead and taken the opposing queen three moves ago, using regular chess rules, you clown.
In this way, the biggest punchline of all is the one that this game places upon us. Chess 2 is a masterstroke, and we are all its fools.